Daft / funny / funny / stupid texts/emails/sayings - please help or read....?

Ok. So my friend is in hospital suffering from a form of sudicdal depression - and is set to be in for a long time. She is beginning to worry that people forget about her now that she is away getting help - and she is getting even lower and down about everything. She is my best friend, and it is me she turns to for talking and cheering up. She likes daft little texts and sayings to make her smile.. girlie and dirty things.... basically something to make her laugh and remind her we are all thinking of her always and really miss her. So the question is do you know any sayings/texts/emails that are funny, daft, dirty, stupid, friend anything like that 'cos I have run out of the ones I knew off.... the only catch is that they must not be ''teary/emotional'' ones.... for example not ones that are going to make her be lilke awww I miss everyone, I want home or something.... Its a hard question but please try and help!