I don't know what to do any more.?

Talk about it. Really if you ask for help you will get it. Everything happens for a reason, everything. I have this friend that went through that same sort of thing and I was able to help her get out of the hole she had dug, and she is screwed up. If she can get through what she got through, you can too. Just don't kill yourself it is the most stupid, selfish, pointless, spineless thing a person can do. You have your whole life ahead of you just don't give up for something stupid.