Do i want to be sad? and whyyy?? wtf?

for some reason when i daydream, instead of daydreaming about a hot girl i know stripping for me or something like that, i tend to dream about breaking up and being in a state of apathy, listening to sad music while feeling sorry for myself and she's sad too and were both regretful. i dont like it, but my subconscious does. i know i should want to be happy but maybe i dont. why is that,i thought everyone wanted to be happy? when i was little and dreaming about being a baseball player, i remember daydreaming about having to quit pro baseball to give my dying son an organ. Jesus christ, wtf is wrong with me???